PHOTO PROMPT © Dale Rogerson
For Friday Fictioneers. Thank you to the wonderful Rochelle for hosting this group. To read the instructions and join in, please visit here.
Hourglass
I met a Swedish boy on Christmas Day and kissed him on Boxing Day and felt the earth move at Kamala Bay.
I touched my fingers to my lips and smiled at this boy, my first kiss.
We were still holding hands, not comprehending when an accented man herded us and other tourists toward a packed bus.
“Tsunami,” someone said.
The joy of the kiss evaporated as my emotions unspooled like myriads of delicate thread concentrating on my parents and little sister at the pool. Praying.
The bus bumped up a steep road and the shore behind became ocean.
end
Sascha Darlington
Very well done. You’ve captured the abruptness and confusion around a disaster.
Thank you, Christine. 🙂
This really needed more words. A 200 word version would allow you to explore her emotions more. But it’s a great idea. Write it, Sascha
Thanks, Neil. I agree with you. It could probably use another 50-100 words. I’ll work with it. I appreciate your comment! 🙂
I know what Neil means, but I think it works well as a flash piece too. I remember that tsunami, ho terrible it was, how apocalyptic. I liked how you captured that disaster in the wake of her finding a first love – a tragic juxtapostion
Thanks so much, Lynn. I may sit on it awhile and then tweak it, or not. 🙂
My pleasure 🙂
A boxing day to remember for contrasting reasons. Excellent.
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‘and felt the earth move at Kamala Bay’ – superb!
Thank you, Clare! 🙂
Love to innocent opening quickly overtaken by events. Well structured.
Thank you, Sarah Ann! 🙂
i liked the lyricism so much . so very well written, Sascha.
Thank you so much! 🙂
Love the poetic feel of this! I liked the abruptness of each “stanza”.
Wonderful job at 100 words!
Tragedy arises in so many ways, your words worked well for me.
Thank you so much, Michael! 🙂
Coming from Sweden I so much remember that time… a former co-worker lost her sister and parents to the sea… at first she was also declared missing and I still recall reading her name on the ones presumed dead… I fear that your story don’t have a happy outcome.
One of Fredrik Backman’s books mentioned the tsunami and its toll on Sweden, which I didn’t know beforehand. From the first hand accounts I read, it must have been terrifying. Glad that your co-worker survived, but sorry she lost her family.
Thanks for reading, Bjorn.
That escalated quickly. Well done.
Thank you, James! 🙂
yeah, I think the short word count actually emphasises the panic and urgency that would come from such an event. I liked it.
Thank you so much! 🙂
Oh my, Sascha. So much story in few words. Beautifully done. More words here would detract from yours.
Shalom,
Rochelle
Thank you so much, Rochelle.
Oh wow, I felt the confusion before the panic, and the overwhelming sense of doom with the last words. Quite poetic starting with a kiss and ending with tragedy.
Thank you so much, Fatima! 🙂
Good description of the effects of a tsunami, Sascha. I love the phrase ‘the shore behind became ocean’. Good writing. —- Suzanne