Something of a Dreamer

Elsa was known for digging up obscure songs by famous singers. She’d share the really good ones. After my failed crush on a man who barely registered my existence, she played this song by Mary Chapin Carpenter, “Something of a Dreamer.”

It was about me.

Elsa smiled sadly at me. “Yeah, it’s you to a ‘T,’ but Joely, it’s not a bad thing.”

I raised an eyebrow at her. A dreamer. Not living in reality. Falling in love with men who didn’t see me. Being the funny girl, the sweet girl, but not the IT girl. How could all of those things be “not be a bad thing?”

“You’re heart’s right out there. You’re kind and funny and if guys can’t see it, well…” her voice trailed off as she ran her finger over the rim of her wine glass, making it sing. “What I’m afraid of is one day someone will hurt the hell out of you and you’ll change.”

And then I fell in love again.

He twisted me around his finger and then twisted my insides out.

He lied and cheated yet I stayed.

His ugly sneer cost me myself.

Alone, in darkness, I understood: Change is not bad.

end 7/13/2017

Sascha Darlington