I’ve started this post to you all several times now. I know that there are many of you out there who understand depression. For those of you who don’t, I was you. I’ve always been upbeat to the point of silliness. If something got me down, I would go exercise or read a book or dance like an idiot to Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic or Speed of Sound. But I always bounced back.
In March that stopped happening. If you all were around in March, you know that I disappeared for a week or so after an accident. I have’t bounced back, not to who I used to be. I have been feeling sad and easily overwhelmed as my body has just not healed as quickly as I would have liked and my brain either. If you know what it’s like to be in that situation, you also know that every little thing contributes and makes you feel weak.
I don’t share these things easily because I’m not used to it. I’d rather make you smile or laugh or roll your eyes. I’ve always felt that the world has so much pain already and I have never wanted to contribute.
But, I’ve found myself apologizing for not keeping up, for not getting the Mouse story to become routine, but if you know what it’s like to try to write humor, you know you have to feel something like humor in those moments and so Mouse becomes something I write when I feel that maybe I can grab a smile, internally.
I’m not going anywhere and I’m going to try to pull myself up out of this little crevice, but I’m not going to apologize any more for falling behind, for not striving to be the wonder woman who I wanted to be, and for feeling like I’ve let anyone down. Thanks for understanding.