So Let’s Talk

I’ve started this post to you all several times now. I know that there are many of you out there who understand depression. For those of you who don’t, I was you. I’ve always been upbeat to the point of silliness. If something got me down, I would go exercise or read a book or dance like an idiot to Every Little Thing She Does Is MagicΒ or Speed of Sound. But I always bounced back.

In March that stopped happening. If you all were around in March, you know that I disappeared for a week or so after an accident. I have’t bounced back, not to who I used to be. I have been feeling sad and easily overwhelmed as my body has just not healed as quickly as I would have liked and my brain either. If you know what it’s like to be in that situation, you also know that every little thing contributes and makes you feel weak.

I don’t share these things easily because I’m not used to it. I’d rather make you smile or laugh or roll your eyes. I’ve always felt that the world has so much pain already and I have never wanted to contribute.

But, I’ve found myself apologizing for not keeping up, for not getting the Mouse story to become routine, but if you know what it’s like to try to write humor, you know you have to feel something like humor in those moments and so Mouse becomes something I write when I feel that maybe I can grab a smile, internally.

I’m not going anywhere and I’m going to try to pull myself up out of this little crevice, but I’m not going to apologize any more for falling behind, for not striving to be the wonder woman who I wanted to be, and for feeling like I’ve let anyone down. Thanks for understanding.




25 thoughts on “So Let’s Talk

  1. This blog process needs to be for you….and no one else. We should never feel like we have to apologize for not posting daily. There is no rules to the blog life, not in that regard anyways…not that I have found. I too, have battled a life long struggle with depression, and have only this year been able to find some peace and laughter in my life. I pray that you will continue to heal, both physically, mentally, emotionally….. And move towards the person you desire to become!! Healing hugs to you!!

    1. Thank you for your kind comments. I very much appreciate them. I don’t want there to be any misunderstandings as pressure to produce was all inside of me and not my followers. Sometimes it’s hard to realize that you have your own limits. Thanks again.

  2. Thinking of you. Take your time. I have been there – those are months I only have one or two blog posts out. I understand not being able to write something upbeat when you are not in the place mentally. I hope things get better – I hope that you feel a little bit better, both mentally and physically, with each day. You are in my heart – sending hugs!

  3. I totally understand how you feel. I pray you strength and never give up in this harsh phases. Never stop trying because I know, if I stopped, I’ll never be here.

  4. I’m so sorry for your accident Sascha and I hope you start healing and feeling better. I think healing is never as fast as we’d like it to be. If your sick or injured the time seems longer and if you’re in pain that never helps either. You are in my prayers and I hope that you heal and feel more upbeat soon. If you don’t that’s okay one time soon u will. One day at a time, if you think about everything altogether that can be overwhelming. But managing one day, it works.
    Let me know if you need someone to chat with or if u need anything.

    1. Thanks so much, Mandi. I really appreciate it. I think I was letting myself getting overwhelmed by so many thinks, which I don’t normally let happen. I’m slowly getting my spirit back. Again, thanks. πŸ™‚

  5. What they said, Sascha, and sending you some Buddhist loving kindness for mind and body healing. πŸ’šπŸ’šπŸ’š Mind you it’s almost like you’re saying people should post more than once a week. Surely not. πŸ™‚

    PS: As I recall, I started reading your blog because I was impressed with your powerful honesty. Still am.

    1. Thanks, Steve. I appreciate it and any daoist philosophy you can offer. πŸ™‚
      I hope no one misinterpreted me. I do push myself on this blog because it’s allowed me to refind my writing, which I’d kept bottled up for some years after numerous rejections. Refind my writing and refind myself.
      I don’t think anyone has expectations of me, except for me, but I know that people like the quirky Mouse and I feel bad when I can’t get my head in the place to do it.
      I also think that people should post as much or as little as they like. πŸ™‚ (I know I’m on the much scale of things, heh.)
      Have a good week!

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