Thank you to Rochelle for Friday Fictioneers! I’m early for a change! Yay!
PHOTO PROMPT © J Hardy Carroll
Winter’s Bleeding Me
“She needs a doctor, you stupid ox.”
Brian’s head jerks as if I landed a blow. “I’ll fix it.”
I don’t wait. I board a bus, murmuring comfort in Kitty’s ear. Her eyes, like Brian’s, green as his Irish meadows, gaze at me.
Empty-armed, I wait, worries churn, despite relief as the nurse assures me Kitty is in good hands. How will we pay?
When the door opens, I glance over. Face bloodied, left eye swollen, Brian grins while holding up a wad of cash. I hug him, smiling.
“Excuse me,” the doctor says.
And then my smile dies.
end (100 words)
Sascha Darlington 2/28/2018
Nooooooooo! Change this ending! Too much sadness and death in the world. Kitty lives!.
Okay. I will write the story with an alternative ending.
Uh oh.
Brian’s efforts were in vain. Such a sad story.
Thank you, Iain. 🙂
It’s a tough call. I always prefer a happy ending, but as stories go, I liked the flow of the sad version a tad better. Both were excellent stories though!
Thanks so much for reading both! It does make me wonder if I had intended to write a happy one, if that flow would have been better. Definitely an exercise to try again. 🙂
I wondered how mine would have been if I’d written it first person, or changed the ending. It would be an interesting exercise.
Yes, it’s not one I’ve thought to do before. Might be the start of a fun exercise.
Great ending
Thank you. That ending felt right to me.
Dear Sascha,
Life doesn’t always have a happy ending. Love the descriptions. Going now to read your update. 😉
Shalom,
Rochelle
Dang!
All that for nothing? Brian is definitely a good guy…
He might be an ox, but he’s a good ox. 🙂
He is…
A tear jerker but I liked it.
Thank you so much for reading and commenting! 🙂
I think this is stronger. And there’s the bitter realisation that after all that, they still have to pay.
Thank you, Sarah. I think that the roller coaster of emotions works a little better here.
I very much appreciate your reading both. 🙂
Oh, shoot! For a minute there, I thought we had a happy ending. Rats.
Thanks for reading, Linda! 🙂
Well, they can take comfort in knowing they made every effort. Sometimes our poor human best just isn’t enough.
This is true, Ann. Somethings leave our hands. Many thanks for reading!
You took me by surprise with the sad ending. It’s a good story; it drew me in so I cared about Kitty, and I was glad Brian had raised the money for her medical expenses. Well written, Sascha
Thank you, Penny! 🙂
Such a beautifully written story, Sascha.
I loved your description of their eyes, made me even more sad after reading the last line.
I also loved the warm relationship between Brian and the narrator.
Thank you, Moon. I was so glad I was able to get it across in the words. 🙂
That Brian is a keeper.
I agree! Thanks for reading! 🙂
Oh no… after all that, there was a heartbreaking end…
As I replied to your other story, I liked them both!
sad ending, but such is life.
This is so true! Thank you so much for reading and commenting! 🙂