Thanks as always to Rochelle for Friday Fictioneers!
PHOTO PROMPT © Gah Learner
Under the Moon’s Shadow (99 words)
Although fear shook her body uncontrollably, Marie kept her eyes on the tower, awaiting the flash of light signaling commencement. She was so afraid of letting the others down that she was almost paralyzed.
She clutched the parcel she was to place under the train.
“Please let this go smoothly,” she prayed.
When she saw the light, she moved through the underbrush then heard the unmistakable sound of a round being chambered.
The man aimed his gun and blinked when he recognized her.
“Stefan?” Safe, she thought. He loved her.
Then he raised his whistle and blew the alarm.
end
Sascha Darlington
All I could think was; who can you trust?
Seems she was wrong about Stefan
Stefan did not let his friend get away. He was dutiful. Nice.
Thankfully, he chose duty over love.
Shades of John le Carre here! The way you make Marie so frightened by her actions is very effective, and makes the story more believable. I could imagine things happening just as you describe them. Well done!
You’ve managed to convey so much in this little story – action packed and full of emotional turmoil. Brilliantly done!
Susan A Eames at
Travel, Fiction and Photos
she was like Matahari – betrayed by a lover, i like the suspense you created from the very first line
Excellent, Sascha.
And we are left with the eternal question, is Marie a freedom fighter or a terrorist?
Or, if this was a Western, what colour is Stefan’s hat?
Dear Sascha,
My guess is that Marie is wrong about Stefan or being safe. The tension is tangible. Well done.
Shalom,
Rochelle
Stefan doesn’t love her. Great suspense here, her fear is palpable.
Thank you. I was trying very hard to get her feelings across. It was a good exercise! 🙂
Typical male. Use ’em then shoot ’em. 😉 (I love the diversity your writing has shown recently)
Thank you so much, Maggie! I’m stretching my wings…or something. 🙂
The tension you have created is palpable, Sascha. Excellent.
And we are left with so. many. questions!
Thank you so much, Dale! 🙂
Oh dear. Betrayed. Quite tense! Danger, relief, finally betrayal. Nice one!
Like a scene from a movie! Terrific.
Click to read my FriFic tale!
Thank you so much, Keith! 🙂
Action-packed.
Excellent stuff, whats going to happen to the package? Where is she going to run to? Has she got a gun? will she attack Stefan?
I love it, so many unanswered questions leaves me wanting more!!
I was transported in German occupied Europe, by a well told piece of flash. Well done
Thank you, Michael! That is EXACTLY the era and place I was going for! 🙂 I appreciate your reading!
Reminds me of the scene from “The Sound of Music”. Just can’t trust a man, can you? Nicely written.
Great tension. In her job she shouldn’t have formed any personal relationships. Bit mistake.
Big mistake, that should read.
Sometimes not even lovers can be trusted (actually quite often)
Wow!
Brilliantly crafted Sascha!
Thank you so much, Dahli! 🙂