I cannot explain why life lately feels more than ever like I’m on a whirling carousel, as if I can’t get a grip on all of the things I’m supposed to do. Usually I have lists and my brain would typically arrange, but this year my brain feels a bit more inert, which I find scary.
On Saturday, I had friends over to meet Sophie Stella, enjoy a meal, and have some Christmas cheer. While everything went off as planned, I felt like just getting the decorating done as well as the cleaning and cooking took an inordinate amount of TIME. Lately, everything seems to take more time as if time has morphed into double its size, but passes so quickly. If that doesn’t make sense, I can only offer a shrug.
Is this aging or is it something else again that’s surfaced in the past year? I know a bit of depression has filtered into everything, a bit of what’s the purpose, a bit of who am I now. But I don’t like not feeling “brainy” as if my mind has gone on vacation…without me physically being there.
And there’s this endless feeling of needing to catch up because I’ve fallen behind. I don’t feel as if there are more things I’m doing, it’s just that I don’t seem to be doing them as well or thoroughly or something.
Anyway, I am hoping this is a blip. (I don’t like blips, just sayin’.) Maybe the new year will bring my brain back to me, or whatever it is that’s missing.
In the meantime, excuse my delayed responses…I’m catching up.