This flash fiction was written for Friday Fictioneers. If you’d like to join in, click here. Thanks, Rochelle!
PHOTO PROMPT © Rochelle Wisoff-Fields
Petals Adrift (100 words)
You used to snort, call us delicate roses.
Seeing you now, a shrunken middle-aged woman against stark sheets, I weigh forgiveness.
Authorities on hard knocks seldom live on the streets with a teenage mom estranged from her parents. They don’t know about finding hiding places or begging for food while outsmarting predators or spending hours in a public library for warmth, to vanish into thousands of worlds of words.
Your eyelids flutter. “Gwen?” Disbelief then tears.
Frail fingers grasp mine.
“Good hiding spot?”
Crystal-clear: you were just a kid making bad decisions for you and your own kid.
“The best.”
end
Sascha Darlington
i like the short sentences, that give me a lot to think about, this is brilliant Sascha. you were just a kid making bad decisions for you and your own kid – this alone was a a story by itself.
Thanks, Gina. I very much appreciate your comments as I sat on this one and thought about it longer than I normally do. 🙂
some pieces have a way of building in our minds and the less words convey a deeper insight – really enjoyed this piece
Your comment reminds me of a Physics Professor I used to work for who always said that less is more in writing.
interesting that as I work with physics.
🙂
The sense of forgiveness and understanding at the end. Nicely done.
Thank you, Iain! 🙂
This is definitely one of your best. I loved “weigh forgiveness” and the idea that her deathbed was a hiding place too
Thank you so much, Neil! 🙂
Moving. Sometimes we think we know what people went through but don’t.
Very true! Thank you. 🙂
I’m not totally clear on who says what in the end, but the sense of understanding and forgiveness is strong.
Thank you. I did wonder if leaving the dialogue tagless would work or add to confusion but was hoping that those words could be spoken by either party. I appreciate your comment! 🙂
The “less is more” is a standard when I taught Improv and creative writing. A lot told in a few words is what this is all about, and it works.
Thanks, Stu. I know that practicing writing to get a story in 100 words has sharpened my writing (not obvious by this sentence 😉 ) I think it’s a great thing.
i’d like to think she was lost and then found. hopefully, it would good start for a new beginning.
Hopefully. And/or better understanding. Thanks, Plaridel! 🙂
This was brilliantly done, Sascha. I loved the “weigh forgiveness” and the “Authorities on hard knocks seldom live on the streets…” Wonderful phrasing and I just loved it.
Sorry for the late reply, Dale. Your comment ended up in my spam folder. 🙁 Thank you so much for your comment!
Boo hoo! But you found me, so yay!
😀
lol You spammer, you! 😉
Hahaha! Me?!
Dear Sascha,
A lot of story layered into 100 words. Poignant and well written.
Shalom,
Rochelle
Thank you so much, Rochelle! 🙂
I wonder if there ever was a choice…. but maybe in the end she did what she could given the circumstances
I think so. Just doing the best she could with the skills she had. Thanks, Bjorn!
So hard, understanding our parents – so easy to blame them for their faults, for our own shortcomings. I love that your narrator found understanding and forgiveness in the end. Wonderful story
I agree. It’s only after we’ve lived that we see that everyone (most everyone) does the best they can. Thanks, Lynn!
My pleasure
The best kind of emotion when the story rings true whether it is or isn’t.
Thanks so much, Kelly! 🙂