It’s the End of the World as I Know It

And I don’t feel fine.

Funny, listening to that song makes me feel happy. R.E.M. makes the end of the world sound…happy.

What’s birthed this post is my being AWOL. It’s happened a lot within the past year and a half. I just find myself unable to face my blog.

The fact is that it has nothing whatsoever to do with my blog or my writing or anything remotely related and especially not my audience and fellow bloggers who I always look forward to interacting with. (Sorry for ending on a preposition. πŸ˜‰ )

Today I analyzed what’s going on with me and this is what I concluded. I spend too much time at my computer visiting the internet, being inundated with all of the really bad stuff going on, and it’s having a huge affect on me. Shootings, hatred, prejudice, misogyny, Trump, the speeding up of climate change, melting ice, the extinctions. I visit Facebook and I’m bewildered by the drama of ignorance.

Photo byΒ Caleb SΒ onΒ Unsplash

I look at my local newspaper (on the internet, of course). Someone’s shot someone over an accident. Someone stabbed a good Samaritan. Someone has denigrated someone. Someone doesn’t care that the world is going to hell in a hand-basket because their happily-elected, reprehensible political figure is making their one belief, their one goal, the holy grail, (among so many others for him) but they don’t care about the morality of the others because they are happy he’s making their goal come true. Blinders, double-standards and hypocrites.

I used to be a happy person, sometimes a funny person. Now I am a person who feels like my feet are in the quicksand of the old Tarzan movies I used to watch when I was knee-high to a grasshopper. I feel like I’m constantly mired and trying to find my way out. And on some days, it feels like it’s a futile effort.

When I was in my early 20’s, someone I admired called me an intellectual snob. It hurt enough that I carried the designation with me for a couple of decades. Now I wonder why it hurt. I’ve seen what stupidity produces. I’m living what stupidity produces. What’s so bad about being an intellectual snob when it may be the thing that Darwin suggested: the survival of the fittest? (He wasn’t talking about physique. I’m pretty sure.)

In all of my posts about trying to find humor and my funny, I never realized that it wasn’t just about me. It’s about the world. It’s harder to be light-hearted when you feel so much wrongness.

I don’t think I can turn off my “feel.” In fact, as a writer, I’m pretty sure that would be a really bad thing to do.

Should I turn off the internet?

Should I put blinders on?

Should I stop caring?

Sometimes I think the best thing I can do is just go to YouTube and find some really good videos of some really good musicians singing some really good songs. For about 4 minutes at a time, I’ll be transported to the realm of: “I do not care.”

Here we go:

I want to thank you all. My new followers, my old followers, my friends. My lack of participation is no reflection on you, or me, hopefully. It’s just that sometimes, lately, . . . I just can’t.

Mentally.

I’ll try to do better but in the meantime. Thanks. And you know what for.

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21 replies »

  1. We have equally got fed up with the doom and gloom of the news headlines
    The world is going to pot and basically, imo TPTB are letting it! No discipline, no law and order, everything PC oriented, murders, stabbings, abuse, BREXIT, Harry and Meghan deciding to have only 2 children (announcement pending maybe……….. so fed up with the media coverage of them), Trump (and he’s not even ours), the gender issue of young children, brides expecting guests to pay for their wedding, it’s all damn depressing! No wonder you’ve been feeling ‘off’ Sascha.
    I check my emails, check the headlines, if in a shop, go to the news stand, check my blog.
    No TV is a blessing, and we don’t listen to the radio anymore as the news at 10pm is the same as that at 6am as nothing else seems to happen during the day!

    • It is definitely overwhelming. Maybe because it’s 24/7 (almost literally). I remember when CNN started here. 24 hours news and sometimes that felt overwhelming, but you could just turn it off. It seems like there’s no turning off the bad news anymore. I guess there are ways. Cutting oneself off from everything. πŸ™‚

  2. Perhaps its a world wide thing, Sascha. I feel exactly the same. WP destroyed my account ages ago and I lost followers and readers, which is important, but more importantly, I loved conversing with those who dropped by. It was such a treat and delight. Then my database went down and it took forever to fix (twice) and more people dropped off. Now I have maybe 4 ppl who converse regularly and not as many as that that read the blog, which has become an on again off again event as some days I can’t summon up the energy to think of something witty, funny, humorous, intellectual to write about. I have a great deal on my plate too which takes time and effort. I shall continue following you. I LOVE your blogs, whether its about new releases, your daily thoughts, concerns, whatever. I enjoy you. So I will constantly look in on you! Hang in there, whatever it is, it will right itself. Sometimes the path seems unclear and then it isn’t. I understand this all too well! lol

  3. Oh Dear, oh dear oh dear! There is more good in this world than bad, but we all spend much more time on the bad than the good and that’s why it seems so large. Look around and find the wonderful moments of kindness and light and humor and love. In the immortal words of Margaret Mead, “Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it’s the only thing that ever has.” Be part of that group. And that group will get bigger. Some days it’s not easy, but focusing on the negative just makes it grow. How about spending one month blogging on all the good stuff? How about a week? As Mom always reminded me, This too shall pass.

  4. The stuff with the news and global issues is bad enough, but when you see all the pettiness and bickering an ugliness that comes out of individuals, it does make it incredibly hard to not drown in all that negativity. It is one of the reasons why I stepped away from so much several years ago and why I really chaffed when I felt forced back into it all because I did something I was really proud of and wanted it to succeed and needed to crawl back into all of that mess. Being normally shy and quiet, makes that all doubly hard. It is one of the reasons why I’m so into photography. It forces me to stop and look at the beautiful parts of the world. It gives my mind and my heart a break from all that is ugly and toxic. Some days are way better than others. And some, I just want to shut it all down and disappear into a book. At the end of the day, you have to do the things that feed your soul as much as you can and find ways to eliminate the ugliness. It isn’t easy, especially if you want to stay informed, but there is a difference between being informed and being intimately involved. I try to stay on the informed side of things.

    • Good advice. I’ve spent the past couple of days negotiating terms with myself. I’ve quit a couple of “harmless” FB groups and stopped reading the news when I feel myself starting to get upset. And, my hummingbird’s returned–which makes me happy.

      • I just put out a humming bird feeder, but haven’t seen any at it yet. I may have it too close to my other feeder and might have to move it. I’ve seen hummers in the area, but just not at the feeder.

      • Mine’s a little closer, so maybe just to the other end of the same bed? I’ve got several location options. This one isn’t by many flowers, so I still wonder if I should move it or just try and be patient for a little longer.

      • I don’t have as many flowers on the deck as usual. I had the feeder out quite a while (and was changing it every couple of days) before I saw them. I think they do like nearby trees so they can dart upward if necessary.

      • I’ll probably give it a little longer before I try and move it and see if they come around. I really should have put them both where I could see them from the window, but that would have required me thinking that far ahead!

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