The Right Thing #amwriting #flashfiction

It cannot be. I am posting on the same day as the picture prompt is posted and not two minutes before the party’s over? It must be a dream.

Thanks to Rochelle for Friday Fictioneers! And thanks to Dawn for a very cool, colorful pic!

PHOTO PROMPT © Dawn Miller

The Right Thing

Anna homed in on the barn. The moment Maxie locked herself in her bedroom, she’d known what he’d done. How could he have no respect, no caring, for them?

Surprised, he glanced up from the engine he was repairing, wiped his hands on a raggedy towel.

“How could you?” she asked.

“I—”

“She’s a kid.”

He nodded. “Which is why I told her Josh was the best man I knew.”

“You didn’t tell her you’re her father?”

“Hell no. I’m not a complete loser.”

She swallowed her anger, gratified a vestige of the boy she loved remained.

end (98 words)


I’ve been sitting on this for 30 minutes (not literally) because I hate am unhappy with the last line, but I’m letting it go now.

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48 replies »

  1. You’ve constructed this story really well, Sascha. You allow the characters to speak for themselves, and you’ve given them authentic voices, especially ‘Hell, no. I’m not a complete loser.’ The only place where you use a different voice is the last line…’gratified’ and ‘vestige’ are a bit too posh, don’t you think? (I hope you don’t mind my offering that concrit in response to your lament about sitting on the story for thirty minutes)

    • Thanks, Penny. No, I very much don’t mind your crit–it’s very welcome! I did consider “hint” instead of vestige, but it was also something off about the rhythm for me. I have this thing in my head that the last line in flash fiction is extra important for summing up as well as how it “sounds.” Maybe I’ll fiddle with it a bit more. Much appreciated! 🙂

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