A Year

I have a category for “Faithful Companion.” This will be the last entry in that category.

I thought I wouldn’t write a post. I’d just try to pretend that July 2nd of 2020 didn’t hurt me the way it did.

My last photo of Scout 6/3/20

But honestly there has not been a day in this past year that I didn’t miss him, my Scout.

I was graced by his presence. How many of us get to say that a dog chooses to trust us? That when they are frightened, hear your voice, know that you will bring them to security?

I felt but didn’t completely understand the magnitude.

In the last nine months of his life, Scout barked when it grew dark. I would come to sit on the love seat near where he sat on what has become a “doggie chaise.” He would see me, settle, sigh, place his chin on his paws and then relax and sleep while I read an e-book. If I’d only known then how much I would treasure those moments of quiet with him. I never minded sitting with him, but then I just didn’t know what it would mean. That within a year I wouldn’t have him and that I would wish that I had never taken a single one of those moments for granted.

Sophie likes cuddles, but she loves her person who is not me. But that’s okay because strangely while I’m not her playmate or her favorite person, she believes I am her safety net, and when scary things happen, she clings to me. We all have our purpose. For Sophie, I am guardian.

There’s a puppy on the horizon in October. He will be his own dog. I teasingly call him Russell Crowe. “Here Russell Crowe!” Not everyone is amused. But I kind of am.

Right now, I am filled with undignified snot. For Scout. He left me unexpectedly. He left me to feel a huge chasm. He left me. When I didn’t expect it. Not his fault. But I am left, nevertheless and feel every ounce of left.

A year. It passed in a blink, especially in a year where our movements were few.

In the only dream I’ve had of Scout, he was flying. I kind of hope he is. My Scout, you deserved to fly. I hope you are everything this life didn’t allow you to be. You deserved everything. I kept you beyond fostering when I didn’t think it was the right thing, but you taught me so much about living and resilience and love. You taught me grace and how human beings have nothing on dogs. You dogs. Yeah. You are the angels and we humans have so much to learn, if only we could.

Fly, my Scout. If I ever get the opportunity, I’ll be right there with you.


If you don’t know about Scout and want to know more please do read the posts in Faithful Companion. 💖

5 thoughts on “A Year

  1. He was beautiful and I feel your loss Sascha having lost our precious Maggie last November. She was our baby and always will be. I miss her every day, and it is not getting better. We love them so much, the hole they leave never heals completely.
    <3 <3 <3

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