Talking about my writer’s block and finding my way back
Two or more years ago I jinxed myself:
I told another writer that I could write myself out of a paper bag (whatever that was supposed to mean), had no problem with writer’s block, and felt I was on my way (wherever that might be, I was certain it was a good writerly place).
And then:
JINX! Gotcha!
I don’t remember if the well dried right away, but it did dry. My cup no longer runneth over with words. That voice that ran like a commentary in my head was silenced.
And, maybe it wasn’t really being jinxed by my writorial (not a word) arrogance but by the pandemic or the sudden death of Scout (for which I was unprepared and felt too (is that even possible?) deeply) or the fact that I began working from home and didn’t interact with the colleagues who always stimulated my brain.
At a certain point, the cause no longer matters but the lack of words does.
Writing lethargy takes its toll and what I wanted to be since I was knee-high to a grasshopper (you’ve got to love that phrase for its imagery) and dreamed about seemed unlikely, especially when I hit an age with a 0 at the end of it and wondered if it was too late. Why would we ever think anything was too late? Because our society prizes youth? Because people like Mark Zuckerberg say that “young people are just smarter?” (Which is wrong on so many levels.) Get out old person; you’ve had your chance! Oh, but sometimes, for whatever reason, we haven’t and we should never let go of dreams before trying to make them come true. Regardless of age or what society or even ourselves think we’re capable of.
So, you may have noticed an uptick in my writing. I hope you enjoy some of it (all of it would be that whipped cream and cherry on top) while I try to find my way back to being a writer. If you’re facing a similar situation, rest assured that I won’t tell you to “just write.” I’m very aware of the limitations of that phrase. All the best.
Happy Sunday!
You’re writing’s good. Zuckerberg is wrong. Anna Mary Robertson didn’t paint ’til after 70 and became Grandma Moses. I like your work, the breadth of it. What was it the driver of the chariot said to the triumphant victor paraded through Rome? Something like “You are only mortal.” I think you can just write, if you allow for freewriting and things you’ll never keep or use. But always writing keepers? Yeah, that’s the challenge. I hope you have a pleasant, fall-arriving week.
Thank you so much, Christopher. Your support is amazing. I have a bunch of open documents in word that may never have someone read them because they are not keepers. You are right. Maybe part of my issue was always needing to write a good piece with the first stroke of the pen or key. I’m hoping I’m a little easier on myself from now on. And maybe I just need to get back to enjoying and being swept away by the act of writing. Thank you! 💖
“Young people are just smarter.” I hate when people speak in absolutes like that because its simply not true. I know people younger, my age, and older than me who are smarter and more successful than I am. But now we’re getting into comparisons. I also fell into this dry spell with my writing (and my reading) around the pandemic. I’ve been trying to get back to my old self and it’s not easy. So far my secret weapon is moving at my own pace and not comparing myself to anyone.
Thank you for this. It seems to be a thing with society where we’re compelled to compare ourselves against others and then find ourselves wanting for what we haven’t achieved. And I think you’re right: the best path is just making you’re own and going along it at your own pace. Thank you for reminding me of that! 🙂
life does get in the way sometimes, and just like flexing your physical muscles, if you let that go too long, it’s easy to get out of the habit of doing it. You’ve just got to start lifting those weights again, running that mile, until it feels comfortable and natural. You can do it!
Thanks, Maggie. You are right. Everyday just doing it. 💖